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| Painting by J. Kirk Richards |
And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities."
[ALMA 7:11-12]
“Our Savior’s Atonement does more than assure us of immortality by a universal resurrection and give us the opportunity to be cleansed from sin by repentance and baptism. His Atonement also provides the opportunity to call upon Him who has experienced all of our mortal infirmities to give us the strength to bear the burdens of mortality. He knows of our anguish, and He is there for us. Like the good Samaritan, when He finds us wounded at the wayside, He will bind up our wounds and care for us (see Luke 10:34).”[Elder Dallin H. Oaks]
I want to share three experiences that have brought me to a greater understanding of the Atonement.
PHYSICAL TRIAL
Early one morning, in the beginning of November of last year, I woke up with a weird ache on my right side. I didn’t think much of it, but within an hour the pain was so excruciating I was kneeling in the bathroom sobbing and yelling at Scott to take me to the hospital. A few phone calls to the ER (and a dear friend who came to stay with the boys), a quick blessing, a much quicker drive to the hospital, a blessed morphine drip, and a CAT-SCAN later, we learned I was passing a large kidney stone and that it had lodged itself in my ureter (the tube connecting the kidney to the bladder). To give you a better idea of the situation, an adult ureter is usually about 3-4mm in diameter. Mine had swollen to about twice that size to accommodate the 4x8mm kidney stone and the blockage had created hydronephrosis, or fluid back up in my kidney, and had caused my right kidney to also double in size. Now it may seem like an object the size of a grain of rice shouldn’t cause that much pain. But having given birth twice, I can assure you it was pretty painful. I have heard Veterans compare it to a gunshot wound. I have never prayed nor wept so hard in my life.
Thankfully, the stone was removed without complications, and I was given pain meds and instructions to rest and drink, drink, drink. I wish I could say this was an isolated event and my kidney problems are over. However, the CAT-SCAN at the ER revealed about a dozen more stones awaiting their descent. I was also informed by my urologist that kidney stones are chronic. It seems pain is my new companion. In fact, just over a week ago, I went in for a procedure called a lithotripsy to take care of another 8mm stone in my right kidney.
What do my kidney stones have to do with the Atonement? Like I mentioned before, I have never cried out to God in such agony before and despite the intensity of my experience, I never once felt alone. Yes, my husband, the medical staff, and a few dear friends, were all physically present and extremely supportive. But besides that I felt an undercurrent of support and oddly enough, peace that I can only label as heaven sent. The words kept coming to my mind “This too shall pass.” [Except, literally speaking, it didn’t pass, the stone got stuck…haha…] and I felt wave after wave of reassurance that everything was going to be okay. I know now that this comfort was a product of Christ’s Atonement. I had every reason to be frightened and anxious, but I can definitely say there was a chord of peace and tranquility throughout it all. I also found myself thinking about the Savior’s suffering in Gethsemane, which pain was so severe it “caused … the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit.” (D&C 19:18)
I’ve had similar experiences during the birth of my two boys, the first labor was induced by contraction intensifying Pitocin, and the second by a violent bout of the stomach flu. I found myself praying and crying out to God for help, and again I was able to tap into a vein of power, of strength, and of peace with the reminder that “This too shall pass.” I knew I was in God’s hands and under Christ's wing.
The apostle Paul said “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” Or in modern speech “Because of Christ, I can do hard things!” In his last Conference address, Elder Oaks taught “[B]ecause of His Atonement, the Savior has the power to succor—to help—every mortal pain and affliction. Sometimes His power heals an infirmity, but the scriptures and our experiences teach that sometimes He succors or helps by giving us the strength or patience to endure our infirmities.”
MENTAL ANGUISH
Another chronic condition of mortality that I have been bestowed with is anxiety and depression. Unlike my physical infirmities, this illness has left me feeling angry a lot. I’ve muttered a lot of “Why me’s?” and “Again? Really?”. I feel very little patience with myself when I get stuck in a low mood and sometimes even a bit angry with God. Obviously, my poor attitude tells me this is a trial I have much to learn from still.
Something valuable I have learned is when I’ve openly shared my experiences with depression, I’ve consistently had a number of people approach me afterward and tell me “Me too.” An immediate friendship is born out of this mutual adversity. I’m given the opportunity to serve others who share my demons. It’s like we’re on a special team, the “my brain doesn’t produce enough serotonin” club. I have learned there is a power in a community built around shared experiences {i.e. New Mommy Support Group, Alcoholics Anonymous}, I think the popularity of support groups are a testament of this. Being able to communicate with others who know exactly what you are experiencing, to one degree or another, is empowering. It brings a sense of relief. It gives me hope. And simply knowing there are others out there who understand your battles is extremely validating.
The scriptures teach us that Christ “descended below all things” (D&C 88:6). Elder Neal A. Maxwell taught, “Having ‘descended below all things,’ He comprehends, perfectly and personally, the full range of human suffering.”8 We could even say that having descended below it all, He is perfectly positioned to lift us and give us the strength we need to endure our afflictions. We have only to ask.
Part of the purpose of the Savior’s Atonement is so he can say “Me too.” He suffered so He could understand and therefore provide strength. He’s our all-in-one support group and partner in affliction, our battle buddy, our best friend.
EMOTIONAL AND INTRAPERSONAL SORROW
During one especially low period of my teen years, I found myself feeling very alone. In retrospect, I was obviously very depressed, but I was also struggling with a lot family conflict on top of all the awkward friends and dating stuff you experience at 16. I felt extremely isolated, and frankly, totally worthless. I remember kneeling at the side of my bed in tears and crying out to God “I’m just so tired of feeling like I don’t matter to anyone anymore.” Almost immediately, a voice pierced my mind “You matter to me.” I was overcome with a sense of warmth and love. I know it was the Spirit manifesting my Heavenly Father’s love for me. As I continued in quiet communication with Heavenly Father, my thoughts turned to the Savior, and His suffering. I was reminded of Christ’s love and His awareness of all I was experiencing. This scripture from Isaiah has since become a personal favorite:
“Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee. Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands[.]” (ISAIAH 49:15)
A favorite quote by C.S. Lewis furthers this point—he said "He died not for men, but for each man. If each man had been the only man made, He would have done no less.”
Relying on Christ during my intense physical trials has brought me great comfort and peace, where I otherwise would be anxious and fearful. Crying out to him in my mental anguish has been returned with the power of endurance, a sense of companionship, and hope for the future. Painful emotional experiences and intrapersonal sorrow has been met with a knowledge that I am never alone and an awareness of my Savior’s infinite love.
Elder Oaks has said “…Our Savior experienced and suffered the fulness of all mortal challenges “according to the flesh” so He could know “according to the flesh” how to “succor [which means to give relief or aid to] his people according to their infirmities.” He therefore knows our struggles, our heartaches, our temptations, and our suffering, for He willingly experienced them all as an essential part of His Atonement. And because of this, His Atonement empowers Him to succor us—to give us the strength to bear it all.”
I testify that these things are true. I know my Savior lives and His love is infinite. I know He suffered and died for US, and as He rose on the third day, we too can arise above the trials and heartaches of mortality. Because of Him, death has no sting. Because of Him we can see our loved ones again. Because of Him we can live with our Father in Heaven again. I love Him and am eternally grateful for Him. I leave these things with you in the name of our beloved Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.